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Would I?

last night, today, and everyday since I have been here become one of the most valuable thing in my life. I don't know why, but I learn more than I taught. especially about my self ;) Yesterday, i was so confused about hijab. Hijab, that I've already wear it for more than 5 years become my issue here. For prom, my family force me to take this off, my dignity that I've already hold for so long. would I?
it's not about what they said to me, it's all about me. would I do that? would I?

it'a not just a simple problem. it is so complicated for me. I already have a date and he already got his tuxedo. spend a lot of money and i know he doesn't have much ;( would I say that I am not going cause i don't want to take this off? would i do that? would I give back my dress that I've already get? would I?
would I cancel hair appointment where my mom has already put $30 on it? would I give back my shoes that my friend already bought for me? would I? would I dissapointed my family, cousins, friends, that have already super excited to see me go to prom? would I?

Yesterday, I look up again what's the reason I have to wear hijab? why I want to? Do i have to? Is that only because my mom ask me to wear it? is it because I went to Islamic school and my teacher thaught me to do this? but why? why?

I look up in the internet and found An nur ayah 31 about this, it's all about protection and modesty. but I ask again? protection? what's wrong with that? I live here where nobody care which is you wear it or not. nobody isn't gonna bother you. depend how you dress, as long is not sluty it will not happen. so why?

but yes, now I am complitely understand why. honestly, I don't care with people said about their reason to wear it, some people said that because they scared to go to hell, really? only because of that, i think that's really not rational. I choose scarf because i feel it save me, I feel it is protect me, and I feel people more respect on me. Because I believe God will always love you as long you do something that God wants and prevent for something that God doesn't like. That's all matter.

so now, for prom. i think I am going to cover my hair but with the best that i could. as flexible as possible. I believe God never makes it harder for his follower. And i hope it always be the best for me ;)
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